The Clinic
A Spider Plant Horror Story
Day Zero
Tina peered into the large terrarium in the center of the waiting room. It was lush with vibrant green plants.
“What lives in there?” Her husband, Tony, leaned down next to his wife.
“I can’t tell, but there are cobwebs?”
“Kinda weird for a fertility clinic to have a spider cage.”
“Yeah, but we can’t really be too choosy. Everyone else has turned us down.”
“I know,” Tony put his arm around Tina. “Don’t worry, Mrs. Applebaum, you’ll have your brood soon enough.”
“Our brood.” She put her arms around his neck and kissed him. “Oh, Tony, I’m so happy!”
“Tina and Tony?” Came a lilting voice from behind them.
Tina grinned at Tony. “It’s really happening!” They turned and met a pretty red-headed nurse holding a pink clipboard. Pink spider earrings caught the light as her head moved.
“Follow me!” She chirped.
They trailed her to a consultation room with a table and chairs. A large hanging plant and a box of tissue sat in the center of the table. On the wall hung a TV, a diagram of female reproductive anatomy, and a stylistic painting of a bright blue spider hanging down from a rainbow web. They were asked to sit and wait for the clinician.
“Not a doctor?” Tony plucked a pamphlet from a clear pocket on the wall.
“Please be open minded.”
“I am, I just don’t want your health put at risk.”
Tina smirked at him, “Duh.” She took a deep breath, “I am kind of nervous though.”
Tony took her hands in his and kissed her fingertips. “I have a feeling that is perfectly normal.”
A knock at the door stifled Tina’s response, they both watched as the door opened and a small, dark-haired woman in a lab coat walked into the room. She smiled, beneath her teeth floated an elaborate gold spider necklace. The creature’s eight legs wrapped from where it lay on her breastbone up and around her neck in an unsettling embrace.
“Tina and Tony? I’m Eva Kardos and I’ll be the clinician in charge of your journey here at Ovum Sanctum.”
“You’re not a doctor, though? I don’t mean to be rude, I just, well my wife’s health is important of course.”
Ms. Kardos sat down opposite Tina and Tony, setting a binder on the table between them. “Of course, I understand. Clinicians are highly specialized nurses who train extensively in our field. All of the clinicians on staff at Ovum Sanctum also partner with OB/GYNs at both of the local hospitals, so you’ll always be in good hands. Now, I understand you’re interested in multiples?”
“Ten.” Tina asserted. “I want ten babies at once. It has to be ten. I know the current record is nine and I want to beat it- we, want to beat it.”
Eva Kardos’ smile didn’t waiver, “That’s absolutely wonderful to hear. We are very well equipped to facilitate the delivery of a successful decuplet of bouncing babies.”
“You’ve done it before?”
“Oh no, our largest request to date was eight, her favorite number, but the logistics and specifics of care are the same regardless. We have a diligent and meticulously trained staff of nurses and of course, I will be heading your care team. I am absolutely confident we can deliver these babies for you.”
Tina and Tony looked at each other, Tina couldn’t stop smiling.
“So, how does it work, how do you make sure there are ten babies?” Tony asked.
“We have a proprietary natural supplement with a dosage fine-tuned to deliver the desired number of fetuses.”
“Sorry, but what? plants? herbs?… divide the original egg into ten, or cause ten eggs to drop, what’s the deal, here?”
“Honey..” Tina put a hand over her husband’s.
“I just want to know what we’re signing up for.”
“It’s no problem at all, I’m more than happy to explain. The supplement encourages a certain number of eggs to mature and drop all at once, depending on dosage. In a batch, so to speak. Which, I have to admit, is not comfortable. The body is not used to doing such a thing. But I assure you, it works. And you’ll be monitored closely to ensure the proper number of embryos are growing. If the number is too high, we simply terminate the superfluous embryos. Too low, we terminate them all and try again at a higher dosage, although, I have to admit, this has never happened. We are very good at what we do here. As a companion to the all-natural supplement, we send you home with this plant to hang in your bedroom. It is called Chlorophytum comosum and it is well known in folk medicine to be protective of mothers and babies.” She paused tilting her head to one side. “We know, of course, that’s silly, but anecdotal evidence shows the plant does have a positive effect, albeit placebo. So we send all of our new clients home with one.”
Tina touched one of the plant’s striped leaves. “Tony, I want to do this. It means so much to me.”
Tony hesitated. “Ok, yeah, we’ll do it. If it’s what you want.”
“Oh baby!” Tina threw her arms around her husband. As she held him, she turned to the clinician. “Are we allowed to film the rest of the visit for our HipTok?”
Eva Kardos smiled, “Of course, but I’ll need you to sign some forms first. It’s standard that we acknowledge your waiver of certain HIPPA regulations.”
“Of course, we’ll sign anything,” Tony said, squeezing Tina’s hand.
“And pay anything,” Tina added.
Day Two
Tina lay in bed drenched in sweat and clutching a heating pad to her abdomen. Her body felt like it was being ripped in two. She couldn’t straighten out of the fetal position she was curled up in. With shaking fingers, she dialed the clinic.
“Hello?”
“Hello Ms. Kardos? It’s Tina, I saw you three days ago. I’m in so much pain. I’m really worried.”
“The pain is perfectly normal. We’re forcing your body to release eggs at a rate it is not designed for. Pain is inevitable, but it should subside within twenty-four hours. By then, all of the necessary eggs should have matured and dropped.” There was a pause, Tina thought she heard a loud thud in the background. “I’d like to confirm our appointment for Friday, by then we should be able to check on the egg development.”
“Yes, of course. I’ll be there Friday. You’re sure this pain is normal? I can barely focus to talk to you.”
“It is absolutely normal. Don’t worry about a thing. Take ibuprofen and get lots of rest. I’ll see you on Friday at 11:30?”
“Yes, Friday at 11:30.”
“Ok, take care.”
The call ended. Tina switched her phone to video and aimed the camera at her sweaty, anguished face. “I feel like I’m dying. I’m sure I look like shit, but this is the price of my dream. Can’t talk long, hurts too much. I’ll try and record again later. Here’s to ten.” She gave a weak thumbs up and cut the video, uploading it to her many fans. She had her fair share of haters, too, people who accused her of being mentally ill or of planning to whore her future children out for cash and attention. Tina paid them no mind, she merely wanted a large family, all at once. She wanted to test her body’s limits just like an athlete might. But mostly she wanted babies. Lots of them.