Azazel:Deadwater:9/13/25
Back in Deadwater. It’s a shitshow. Despite my very handsome and soothing grub suit sporting an authoritative uniform, Miriam’s father would hear no explanation from me. It was all going to be a lie anyway. He bid her to pack what she needed and get out. She could pick the rest up later when she had a place for it, he said.
He always knew she wasn’t his, now he wants nothing to do with her.
“You killed the love of my life,” says the cruel, deluded piece of pig shit. I’m lying in bed at the inn right now and I still feel cold blood rushing through my veins, aerated with the urge to kill. To watch his face as he realizes he’s being gutted, despite being an upperclass white male. Someday. This is a grudge I will always harbor. From now until I see sidewalks painted with his blood, like children’s chalk, red flowers and red rainbows, I will feel the loin twitching pangs of desire for his death.
Miriam is, mercurial. She’s still too young to control that fire raging inside her. And she’s emotional on top of it. I’m doing my best to help her, but I’m a beast myself.
Miriam:Deadwater:9/13/25
Az took me to the Dungeness Inn. There’s a sign outside that says, “We don’t have crabs!” He laughed, but I didn’t get it. He said crabs are an STD which you can catch from bedding. I have so much to learn about life. I’m eighteen now, but I feel like a baby left out in the cold to die of exposure. They did that in some ancient cultures. I guess they do it here and now, too.
I’m ok. Papa Mal said no one really dies forever. I’ll see Mom in Hell someday. She wasn’t that nice to me for most of my life. I’m not sure why I’m so upset. I guess we had come to an understanding. She gave me my Circus family before she died at least. I’m not really alone. Not by a long shot. Az is nice. Looks scary in his “grub suits.” I don’t think they really fool people. He says we have to stay here. We’re the guardians of the Deadwater portal now. Right now it’s got a whole ass cathedral on top of it so the demons can’t use it. I said I could burn the church down, but Az said we won’t be able to just stroll on in there. There are angels in town we’d have to fight. Not as powerful as the destroying angel I destroyed, but still dangerous. I told him I wasn’t scared.
“Be scared. Remember you’re just a kid. I’ve been around for… well I’ve always been around. You need to be patient and listen to me.”
I can do that. But it’s hard. I’m angry. I want to burn things. It’s like I have a hungry little monster inside me. I let it out, it eats, and it grows. My bright child.
Dad told me he wasn’t going to take care of a bastard child (really kind of an anachronistic term) and Matt-
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Now I’m crying again. He was always mean to me. Nothing’s changed. Why am I sad???
August:Heaven:A Cell
Although it feels like I’ve been here for millennia, I have been assured that it’s only been a day. In addition to this horrific time torture I am being subjected to, I’ve not been able to see my Evelyn. I have no idea what she may going through. Is her cell like mine? A simple all white room, too bright, really, and there’s nothing in it. Nothing for the eye rest on, just white as far as said eye can see, but that turns out to be only three paces in any direction. There’s no conjuring here, although I was brought writing implements. Sitting on the floor as I write and it’s abysmal. Might spill the inkwell and see if I can jump through the resultant black spot. Or paint my body with the ink…
No one will tell me what’s going to happen. What this “trial” entails. I’m guilty. I’d confess if they’d let me. There is a guard outside my door. It’s less of a door than a wall that disappears when it enters. The guard is a shadow that slips around using a light source I can’t identify. I attempted to defy it and it slipped onto me, its dark self pasted to my own flesh.
“This is the pain of losing God,” it whispered in my ear. I felt a slight prickling on my flesh. And perhaps a few seconds of melancholy.
“I’d imagine, friend, that those pains are more pronounced in one who remembers their time on Earth. Those memories have long gone out with the tide in my case. You see I was a ghost on Earth for a very long time. I’m not even sure how I finally ended up here. Now if you’d be a good chap and let me out, I’d like to check on my wife.” I stepped toward the door, the shadow still clinging to my back. This time I felt a paralyzing pain accompanied by the memory of my father’s lash. I dropped to my knees and the thing left, it hand’t even delivered a message.
Now to lie on the cold, white floor until… something happens.
