Fenestrated

A blind man, monstera extract, and it's not just a little bunny.

Photo by Giorgia Sormani on Unsplash

Hot today, even up here in the mountains. The boys came back from patrol soaked from a romp in the creek and I was tempted to head out there myself. It’s glacier fed and ice cold, of course the glacier is melting faster these days; humans are so eager to burn, can’t even wait to get to Hell. It’s an odd pathology considering what they think Hell is.

Anyway. The boys flopped down on the porch in the shade, tongues hanging out. I watched them from my Adirondack chair, sweating nearly as much as my iced tea. They had nothing to report. All the beasts out there are feeling as cooked as we are. The mountain was quiet, subdued. The world on pause until nightfall. That’s when things get wild.

But for now we waited in the yellow gloom of the scorching, thick afternoon air. Our breathing shallow, not wanting to burn our lungs. Our movements slow, precise, and frugal. We dozed off and on, listening to the annual cicadas scream from the trees.

Then something else screamed from the trees. The three of us sat up, listening. It was clearly human, possibly in distress, but I don’t intervene unless invoked, especially in this heat. Too hot out for heroics. They aren’t really my preferred creature anyway, humans. As we listened the screaming got closer and I realized it was more of an elevated and long winded complaint, than a scream. Impressive, given the conditions. I went inside to get dressed and left the dogs to keep an eye on the client making their very noisy way up the hill.

When I got back outside I could see two figures still trudging their way up. One looked to be leading the other, holding their hand and tugging them upwards so rapidly that the person being led stumbled regularly, their free arm outstretched uselessly in front of them.

“Blindness seems to be the flavor of the day. Boy are they going to be mad when they find out I can’t cure that.” We watched them get to the stairs at the bottom of the hill and that’s when I felt it. The magic, wafting up to me like a cheap perfume. The dogs groaned at the smell, yeah, it was not great magic. But that meant this blindness was not natural, which also meant I actually did have a chance of curing it. Especially considering how low grade the magic smelled.

The person doing all the complaining also happened to be the person doing the leading. I put a bubble of silence around her, I’d get an earful soon enough. No reason to overexpose the wildlife to her toxicity.

By the time the pair had stumbled to the top of the steps the sun was low on the horizon. Which was good and bad. They’d have a cooler walk down the mountain, but they’d also be at the mercy of the mountain beasts. I only send the dogs out to keep the beasts on the mountain, what the monsters do while they’re on the mountain, I don’t care much. If they eat clients, they eat clients. Preferably they eat them after they’ve paid.

When the couple finally got to the front door I dropped the silence bubble and shoved cold iced tea glasses at them before ushering them inside. The voluble one took a few big gulps, eyeballing me the entire time over the rim of her glass. She was middle aged, with short blonde hair, and dressed all in pastels, dirty pastels. Streaks of sweat ran through her foundation and smudged her eye makeup. Her brows were deeply arched and I imagined that even when she wasn’t angry, she looked it.

Her companion was a man, presumably her husband. Also middle aged, he was very nondescript, plain t-shirt and jeans, thinning hair, and stubbly beard. Hard to shave when you’ve only just become blind, I’d imagine. He kept reaching up to scratch his cheeks.

I lead them to the table and sat across from them. The dogs followed us in, their coats already dried to a black fluff in the sun. One of the cats lounged on the table. The woman set her glass down and looked disapprovingly at the familiar.

“I’m not a big fan of cats.”

“That’s not really a cat,” I looked down the table at the big black and gray tabby. His tail flicked hard against the wood as he stared at the woman.

“Funny. Get it off the table.”

“I will not. I will also not tolerate being spoken to in such a manner. One more time and you’ll be tied to the roof for the vultures to pick clean. Do I make myself clear?”

“Honey, please,” the blind man flailed a bit and then got his hand on her arm, patting gently. She yanked her arm away.

“Eric, I said I would do the talking.”

“So talk,” I said, “What brings you up my mountain?”

“Not a handicap accessible ramp that’s for damn sure! Do you realize how many violations this place is making by not being ADA compliant?”

“You don’t need to be compliant if your business isn’t registered.” I smiled, I began to see her angle. These types always have an angle, it’s never just for the good of people who come after them that they throw a fit. It’s freebies. Discounts. Special treatment.

“I should have known, well now I have two things to report. The cops are going to be up here so fast-“

“Not too fast, no ramps,” I smiled and sipped my tea.

“Honey, please, can we just get to why we’re here?”

“Eric, this woman is an ableist, she can’t be allowed to continue to discriminate against people with disabilities. I’m going to report her.”

“Please do, the world needs more humor.”

She opened and closed her mouth, “You want me to report you?”

“Sure, it’ll be funny when you walk up and report the Witch of the Wood for discrimination.”

“Oh, well, I’ll just have to phrase it differently, you’re not above the law.”

“I absolutely am. I also make house calls for those who can’t make it up the mountain. That should have been mentioned by the person who told you about me. If it wasn’t, I apologize.”

“They did mention it,” Eric said under his breath. His wife cleared her throat.

“But you did say you’re unregistered,” her tone was less confident now.

“Again, I invite you to let the authorities know that the witch you went to see in the woods about a magic cure for your husband’s blindness curse, does not have a business license. Really, please do.”

Her face might have gone pale, but it was hard to tell under the thick layer of foundation.

“I’ll do that,” she said, not quietly, but at least the hostility had drained from her voice. I turned to her husband.

“Eric, I gather is your name, why don’t you tell me what happened.”

“He got himse-“

“I asked your husband. I really don’t need to hear from you at all. Please sit quietly. If you do not sit quietly, the dogs will help you with that.” Geri and Freki had silently stood and when the woman turned to look at them they were sitting next to her on the floor, only a few feet away. She let out a faint shriek and turned back to me, nodding. Wolf-hybrids are very intimidating.

“Eric?”

“Yes, well, Chrissy and I are on the HOA board in our neighborhood. Chrissy is very passionate and got into an argument with one of the older members of our community. She’s probably near ninety.”

“No excuse to ignore the community rules.”

The dogs growled. “Jesus,” Chrissy muttered.

“She’s on a fixed income and recently had an unexpected expense come up, so she was a little late on her dues.”

“Two weeks late!” Chrissy spat. Geri barked. Just once. Chrissy screamed and scooted closer to Eric. One more time and I was really going to have a great day.

“I had gone to see if she’d accept some help with the dues. A few of us on the board felt bad about the situation and wanted to offer her our assistance. Among the four of us, splitting up the dues would be no burden at all and that would have given her some breathing room. Chrissy opposed the idea.

She followed me up to the woman’s house and after I had offered our help she,” he looked over at his wife who sat silently with a smug smile on her face, “threw garbage at the old woman.”

“You’re trash if you can’t pay your dues and you deserve to be thrown away. Out of our neighborhood. Society doesn’t ne-“ At this point she was on the floor. Geri had knocked her off the bench and Freki lay on top of her, pinning her to the hardwoods. Geri circled her head and lay down, resting his snout right next to her ear, a low, menacing growl rippling out his throat. Chrissy was silent, but her eyes were wide.

“What just happened?” Eric felt for his wife and didn’t find her.

“Nothing, your wife is fine, speaking of… why did the woman curse you and not her?”

“Because I tried to make excuses for Chrissy. I said she was just passionate about the committee and that she meant well she just didn’t always know how to express herself properly. The old woman said I was blind and I needed to open my eyes. And that was that. By the time I got home I couldn’t see anything. Chrissy called the police on the little old lady, but what were they going to do? It’s not like she threw acid in my face. I just suddenly went blind. They’re cops, they look for rational explanations. There wasn’t one.

Doctors couldn’t find anything wrong. They said it was hysterical blindness and suggested a shrink. Then I heard about you. Oddly, I heard about you from the old woman’s granddaughter.”

I smiled, this story was all coming together. Clever old witch. I mean we all are, but this one especially.

“You what?” Chrissy screamed from the floor. Freki’s jaws clamped down on her throat. Not enough to kill her, or even break the skin much, but she wouldn’t be speaking normally again for awhile.

“I heard about this witch from the old woman’s granddaughter. I’m not in any position to be selective now, am I?”

I stood up from the table and went to my herb cabinet. This man needed the blinds pulled back from the windows of his reality. I found a vial of Monstera deliciosa extract. A plant with windows in its leaves that brings clarity of thought. I poured a little in his iced tea.

“Ok, Eric, I have poured the cure to your blindness into your tea. Drink up.”

“Wait, that’s it? I don’t have to do anything crazy?”

“Not yet, no.”

“Not yet?”

“Just drink.”

“Ok.” He gulped the rest of his tea. His eyelids drooped shut. He was probably going on quite a wild internal journey, but from my point of view it looked like he’d fallen asleep sitting up. I turned to Chrissy on the floor.

“Let her up, boys.” Freki released her and the two moved off, staying nearby. Chrissy’s neck was streaked with blood, but my boy is very good at his job, nothing major had been hit, just some superficial wounds.

“Sit.” I motioned her. She looked at her husband.

“What did you do to him?” Her voice was raspy and quiet.

“Oh, the old woman was right, he needed to open his eyes. But she didn’t have the power to really help him. So she cursed him, and then sent him here.”

“Is this a trap? Did she send us to you…”

“Because your energy was too strong for her? Yes, absolutely. But I don’t have that problem.”

“What are you going to do to me?”

“Interesting question. Why should I do anything to you? You’re just passionate about your causes, right?”

Chrissy wiped tears from her eyes, they’d sprung up with impressive speed. “Yes, very. But I know my communication style can be harsh.”

“Oh, so you do know what you’re doing is wrong.”

She looked down, “I know it. I just like the rush. I’m so sorry, I’ll change.” She clasped her hands in front of her, it was a very Hallmark movie moment. Very typical of a psychopath trying to fake real emotion.

Eric stirred in his seat. His eyes slowly opened. He looked at me, I smiled. He’d just seen some horrifying shit, so it felt like the right thing to do.

“Eric?”

He turned toward his wife, his eyes wide.

“I see you. I see you now.”

“It worked? Honey, that’s amazing!” Her tone was flat, stilted, as though she knew what he’d seen.

“You’re a horrible person. You beat that old lady. You’ve hurt so many people.”

“Eric, I don’t know what she did to you, but it’s all a lie. I would never hurt anyone. I love everyone.” She reached for him. He shoved her hand away.

“No. No. You’ve hurt our kids, other people’s kids. I saw you kick a puppy!”

“What? No no no no. I love animals. Children need strict discipline.”

Eric turned to me, “Do what you want to her. I don’t care.”

Chrissy lunged at him with a growl in her throat. Geri caught her by the shirt and pulled her back. Long, fluffy ears had already popped out of her head. A moment later, she was on the floor again, big rabbit feet thumping the hardwoods in anger. Little pink nose twitching as she squealed. I opened the front door, the dogs gave one bark and off she went, deep into the dark forest. Her little white tail flashing like a beacon in the night. The dogs chased after her to make sure she got to the deepest part of the forest before they left her.

I turned back to Eric, he’d slumped in his seat. “What am I going to tell people?”

“That you came hiking and got lost then she left you to get help and she never returned. Another hiker found you and got you back to your car. They’ll come search for her, I’ll take care of the rest.”

“I shouldn’t ask how, huh?”

“Nope, you shouldn’t”

He sighed. “I’m just, exhausted.”

“You’ll be alright. In a few days you’re going to feel like a new man with a huge weight off your shoulders. I mean, you should seem sad for a bit. Have a funeral and all that, but you know. It’ll be good soon.” I stood and gave him one of my special pick-me-up-pills.

“What do I owe you?”

“Nothing, just doing a favor for a fellow witch in need.”

I ushered him out the door and into the night.