In 1518 in the town of Strasbourg a woman known in records as Frau Troffea began dancing uncontrollably in the street. Soon others joined her and by the end of the dancing plague possibly as many as four hundred people had been infected with the mania. However this wasn’t Europe’s first dancing plague. From 1374 to the seventeenth century several dancing plagues are mentioned in historical records. While historians don’t know the real reason for these incidences of mass-hysteria, many speculate that they were stress induced. Because dancing was seen as impious, and even diabolical, it was the perfect medium for civil disobedience among a populace of poor, exploited, and over taxed peasants and serfs. Petitions to various saints typically ended the madness. In 1518, dancers were led to St. Vitus’ altar, made to put on red shoes sprinkled with holy water and with crosses painted on the tops and soles. They then walked around the altar and were cured.
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“Ma’am? Ma’am? Ma’m can you hear me? This is the Deadwater PD, you can’t dance here, you’re creating a disturbance.”
“I don’t think she can hear you.”
“So what the fuck do we do?”
“I dunno, tase her?”
“For dancing?”
“For disobeying a police officer and creating a disturbance.”
“She might be deaf. Hence the dancing to no music.”
“Fine. I’ll wave in her fucking face. Happy?”
“Hm… didn’t work. Tase her.”
“Did the prongs hit?”
“Yeah they fucking hit, they’re IN HER.”
“She’s still dancing.”
“No shit.”
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Pop it lock it wave weave surveillance state jump elbow pump fist pump need a job bad credit beat beat beat follow me follow me follow me fist pump
“What the fuck is going on? Now more of them are dancing? Is this some kind of flash mob?”
“Hey sir, sir? Can you hear me? Sir, please stop dancing. Sir!”
“Better call in back up.”
Tonight on Deadwater News at Nine, we’re going straight to our top story. A strange mania has overtaken at least forty Deadwater residents today who are dancing in the middle of downtown and have even stopped traffic. Now this is odd enough, Bob, but they’re dancing to no music. Yes, you heard that right, no music. Complete silence, no choreography, in fact they don’t even seem aware of each other or of anyone around them. Police tased the woman who started it all, but she barely seemed to notice.
Now that is interesting, have the police said if there are drugs involved?
They have not been able to detain anyone for testing since they won’t stop dancing. And that’s the most worrying part about all of this, Bob, Susan Troffea, the woman who started it all, has been dancing since 9:32 this morning.
That’s nearly twelve hours.
It is, Bob, and authorities are becoming concerned about the health of these dancers, some of whom are clearly dehydrated and in pain.
Wow, so what’s the plan? Do we know if the police have one?
There does not seem to be a plan at the moment because these dancers are peaceful. But they are also not responding to, or even acknowledging law enforcement or really anyone else at the scene.
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ba ba bada ba ba bada kick step kick step ICE agents everywhere following me I know behind me behind me behind me ba ba bada ba ba bada kick swirl arms kick cross step kick
“How many now?”
“Fifty-five, Sir. Some are family members of the original dancers. They came down to stop them and got… infected?”
“Infected?”
“Not really sure what to call it.”
“Any of ours?”
“Four, Sir.”
“Jesus Christ, somebody get a doctor out here.”
Tonight on CNN, The Dancing Plague, what is it, how it has spread to every state in the nation, and what you can do to protect yourself. Plus we’ll take a look at who could be responsible for this devastating mania.
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A quick update, Bob, since the dancing plague started here in Deadwater three months ago nearly four thousand people have died from dehydration, exposure, complications related to over exertion, or in violent altercations with unaffected members of the public. But that all might becoming to an end as the President of the United States authorized via his social media account the use of force against the remaining affected. That’s nearly fifty thousand people, Bob.
Wow, that’s quite a development. I bet many people will be will relieved when this horrific plague is over with. Do authorities have a concern about a reoccurrence?
There have been talks in congress about banning dancing across the board in an effort to crack down on future outbreaks.
Sounds like a solid plan, thank you for keeping us up to date.
Of course, Bob.
“Sir, did you see the President’s social media post?”
“‘Bout damn time. Get everyone in position. We’ll hit them with the tear gas first and open fire when I give the command.”
“Yes, sir!”
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The feds can't stand it when we dance.
So dope. Like if Pynchon wrote FOOTLOOSE.