7/5/17
If only I could love you
Still in Deadwater. This morning we drew the Father of Wands. I don’t know to whom it’s referring and I can only surmise that it is someone we’ll meet tonight when we go see the Circus in Black perform. I’m apprehensive about seeing the show. The performers we saw when we drove by yesterday were all very dark and there appeared to be tigers simply wandering around the camp. The locals love the show and most of the people I talked to today had seen it every night for the two years it’s been here. I personally think that’s strange, but August admonished me to keep an open mind.
After breakfast we went to Lover’s Peril, where August died. He fell to his knees and sobbed. I looked over the cliff, white water churned and leapt as it crashed into sharp jagged rocks far below. Poor August. Poor Evelyn. It really would have been an awful way to go.
“I miss my Evelyn. Will I never see her again?”
“How could I know that?”
“Pull a card. Right now!” He leapt up from the dirt and appeared right in my face, his weird smile twitching at the corner of his mouth. His icy aura chilled me and I backed away to a nearby picnic table. I pulled the tarot deck from my bag and shuffled. August hovered over my shoulder. Finally I pulled a card, The World, reversed. I knew instantly what it meant, but I didn’t think August would like it. I considered lying, but he always knows when I am. Probably because our energies are so mixed at this point.
“August, I think this means you will see her again. But…”
“But what? I’m blocking it somehow? I am the one making it impossible to find her? I knew it.” He pounded the table.
“No, August, I think this means that Evelyn isn’t in heaven. Evelyn is in hell.” I winced, waiting for his explosion. He started to laugh, wild and hysterical. A flock of black-eyed juncos in a nearby tree took to flight, giggling back at him.
“My sweet Evelyn is not in hell,” he stopped mid chuckle to wipe his eyes and push his green hair out of his face. “Oh, Universe, you are funny.”
“We need to learn more about Evelyn if you’re going to find her.”
“Fine. But how can I know more than I already do? I suppose she had a whole life left after I died. What if she…” He sank to the grass, eyes turned toward the ocean. “No! I won’t think of it!” Suddenly cold fingers wrapped around my neck and August pulled me backward from the bench. I landed on the hard grass with a thud. My back and head exploded with pain.
“What the hell,” I groaned, trying to take stock of the damage.
“If only I could love you.” He looked down into my eyes, his cold fingers brushing my cheek. Invisible pressure drove the air from lungs and I struggled to speak. “You don’t look like her at all, but you’re not hideous.” I tried to move but he held me. He flickered. And disappeared. I scrambled to my feet and ran to the car. August was already there.
“I scared you,” he said, his voice deadpan.
“No more,” I huffed, still catching my breath. Beside me I could see August turned to the window.
“I’m excited for the circus tonight.” He bounced in his seat, his voice still deadpan, his form flowing and folding in on itself as he bounced. I started the car, what more could I do?