2/6/18 - 2/8/18
We're always lying to ourselves
2/6/18
Today I drew the Ten of Wands reversed, a card of burdens, but reversed. It reminded me that I wanted to ask Mal how I could pull my weight around the Circus.
I found him under the bigtop, talking to the Goat Man and a woman wearing a long black cloak. The woman was the tiger tamer, Mal called her Malheur. A long scar ran from her forehead to her chin on one side of her face and she wore an eyepatch over the eye on that side. She and the Goat Man left as I arrived. Mal touched my cheek and told me the time would come when I would be needed. He wouldnāt explain, just said I need to be patient.
2/7/18
Had an awful nightmare last night. I was drowning, I think. Dark water swirled around me and there was no light. I couldnāt move. I couldnāt breathe. I woke up convinced August would be standing there. But he wasnāt.
Later I drew my card, the Ace of Swords reversed. I know what it means. A reversed card of truth and mental clarity means Iām lying to myself about something or not seeing something clearly. And I am, probably about more than one thing. Never went back to sleep, went to see if Mal was up instead. He held me until dawn.
2/8/18
I drew the Daughter of Pentacles today. Itās a good card, a reminder to be kind and responsible. I needed the reminder, I think. I spent the day playing with some of the children in the Circus. They all have jobs to do, but manage to infuse fun into everything. By the time the tigers were all bathed I was soaked and my face hurt from laughing. I think I like Willoughby the most.
